Would you ever willingly harm yourself, your property, your relationship, or your success? You certainly wouldn’t. And if you somehow do, you’d never think it was intentional. You would say, just an accident or a mistake.

Well, what if other things are lying underneath the surface? What if behind every failure there is an underlying reason? Maybe you took that job, but you were not sure it was the right one for you. Next thing you know, you self-sabotage yourself by making mistakes that are completely uncharacteristic of you. Furthermore, you start seeing everything going down like a spiral. And soon enough, you lose the job that you thought would be awesome for you.

Alternatively, you are in this relationship that you never imagined you would be. Best feelings, everything is going wonderful and all of a sudden, you start acting weird, make hurtful comments, engage in provocative discussions that end up becoming full-on fights. And not surprisingly, the break-up comes next. What if this happens because you have never felt deserving of such a wonderful relationship in the first place?

In her What’s Your Sabotage? book, the author Alyce Cornyn-Selby describes self-sabotage as “… when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.”

This is something that you would never do to yourself consciously, though most likely doing it without even realizing it.

But why would you do that to yourself?

Have you ever think when all was going well in your life that it’s too good to be true? Expected some negative event to interrupt your happiness? Most probably you have. Why? Because deep inside, you don’t feel that you are worthy of having everything working perfectly for you. In my home country, there is an expression. They say, I laughed too much, which means, next I’ll cry as much. What a negative prediction? You are telling yourself, not only I don’t deserve laughing and being happy, but also I have to pay for it with sadness and tears soon.

To find out why you would sabotage yourself, you need to go deep inside your head. You need to think about each destructive experience you had in your past. Be it an accident, or a huge mistake, or a devastating misunderstanding. Think thoroughly every one of them in detail. Lay them down on the operating table. And see if, at the beginning of these processes, you’ve felt any kind of doubt, anxiety, or had unanswered questions about any of those actions that ended up becoming disasters.

I bet you will find out that you indeed had doubts. You will remember that you thought you were a little bit tipsy before getting behind the steering wheel right before that car accident. Or the uneasy feeling you had the moment you’ve accepted that job offer. You will remember the hesitation you’ve felt as soon as you’ve bought those risky stocks that ended up blowing your investment portfolio when they fell unexpectedly.

Listen to your intuition

Your subconscious tried to warn you every time you`ve made a decision that was not right for you, though you chose to not hear it. But now you know. And you can use this tool to make more educated decisions in the future. Now you know that if you have an inkling of hesitation in your mind about something that is coming, you need to stop. Take time, reflect, consult your mentors, people who can give you their honest and constructive opinion.

Do not rush to a conclusion. Grow your knowledge on the subject. Because as the late Turkish journalist Ugur Mumcu said: “You cannot possess sound opinion on a subject, without gathering comprehensive knowledge about it.” So, don’t make your important decisions in haste.

More importantly, love yourself. Know that you are worthy, you are a divine being, you are deserving. Let the Universe guide you. Listen to your intuition, while doing proper research. Don’t jump into muddy waters, but wait for it to settle so that you can see clearly.

Because sometimes, even opportunities that you are very excited about might turn out to be the wrong choices for you. Just wait for the right feeling to come before deciding which way to go.