Take responsibility to build your self-confidence

“Confidence. If you have it, you can make anything look good. ”

Diane Von Furstenberg

Starting from a young age, we understand what the word charisma means. I remember being in primary school and recognizing flawlessly which friends of mine had that self-confidence and which ones had not. Thinking back, I was never shy but not too outgoing either. I did not have difficulty expressing myself, but I recall noticing some of my classmates having difficulty speaking up, sharing what they have in their minds.

Much later, when I joined the workforce, I realized even better what a big difference, to have decent self-confidence makes. I have seen people climbing the steps to higher positions, the ones who are good but not that good, while others with much more to offer left behind.

First, I blamed the system for supporting the ones who represent themselves more and for not giving those more introverted a chance. But then it dawned on me. It is not the system’s responsibility to treat people according to their level of self-confidence. It is our responsibility, as individuals, to work on our self-esteem, have the guts to put ourselves out there and be open about what we could offer.

But if I have low self-esteem, what can I do about it? How can I boost my positive self-image?

You can do plenty, starting from analyzing your character honestly and openly. You can observe your behaviour, determine the circumstances that you feel the lack of self-confidence the most. Also, you can ask a friend, or better yet, a coach to help you flex that muscle as much and often as you can.

Additionally, you can try one or more or preferably all of these helpful tips.

  • First and foremost, love and accept yourself the way you are, and treat yourself the way you want others to treat you!
  • Visualize the person you want to be. Paint a mental picture of yourself in your head and believe that you are, in fact, that person. Then think about what you can do to become this person.
  • Keep the positive vibes and discard the negativity. Use positive affirmations. Get up in the morning and say, “Everything is always working out for me”. Steer clear of anything that discourages you.
  • Remember that your body language speaks volumes. Sit upright, walk with confidence, avoid slouching. A firm handshake can also go a long way in creating a healthy first impression.
  • Let go of the perfectionist in you. Because if you keep at it, you will feel dissatisfied with yourself and even quit before you start in most cases.
  • Speak out loud and firm. Your tone reflects how you feel about yourself and your opinion. Let others have the chance to understand your valuable contribution. Unless you believe how important it is, others will not either.
  • Take care of yourself. If you feel confident about how you look, how you smell, how you carry yourself around, others will notice that too. Exercise and eat mindfully to keep your body healthy. Also, meditate and practise mindfulness to keep your mind and soul centred and aligned.
  • Help others. Being generous, making a difference big or small in someone’s day or life lifts your spirits on how you feel about yourself.

Only you are the one who’s in control of your confidence level, no one else. Take responsibility and make it better. Not because others think you should get to somewhere that matters in society, but because it matters to you.

Photo by Adeolu Eletu on Unsplash


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Wishing you calm and happiness,


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  1. Lana says:

    Love this article. I relate very much to what you have written. I was too one of those persons that we were shy to speak up and had a low self esteem.
    I’ve practiced everything you mentioned to be where I am today.
    I also would like to add to your list, which is something I learned early this year, is to focus on our strengths and turn them into super powers, rather than focussing on our weaknesses because we have less to work with, and much more work to do, which affects our subconscious and our self talk too.

    • IpekW says:

      Dearest Lana,

      Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback. It’s always great to see what I write resonates with the reader. Ans also for the valuable contribution you bring with you. It’s a very valid point. I very much appreciate it.

  2. David Andrew says:

    It takes time to build confidence and improve self- esteem – However, it is vital that one starts sooner than later. My confidence increased when I surrounded myself with people who cared enough about me to accept them in their midst. They encouraged me and helped me when I made mistakes instead of criticize. Take pride in your work and feel good about what you do. Start working with an attitude of serving others – You will find tremendous satisfaction when you help someone and they appreciate you. Even if they don’t you continue serving – Because you will only get better.
    Is you confidence rising as you are reading this? 🙂


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transformation life Coach for women, Speaker, Author, MEDITATION TEACHER

Hi! I'm Ipek Williamson

I’m a certified Transformation Coach who specializes in helping mid-life women navigate through challenging transitions. I believe that women shouldn't have to go through life second guessing themselves.

My transformational coaching will make it possible for you to -

  • feel confidently calm enough to live a joyful life
  • use supportive tools to handle unexpected twists and turns
  • heal from pain in relationships and welcome new relationships 
  • be at peace when situations don’t turn out as planned 
  • go from saying “Is this really it?,” to “I can’t wait to see how good life can get.”
  • embrace change with LOVE, instead of fear